I'm usually such an open person. I tell people everything that is going on in my life normally but this has me petrified. My husband, who I am going to call Oscar (Oscar Wilde...get it?) and I both told our families when we found out about the PCOS which was traumatic enough for me but we haven't told them about TTC. I didn't feel like getting constant questions every time they called to "see how things are going."
Oscar only has one sister who is 25 and not dating anyone. Right now they all think that I am the best bet for grandchildren in the near future. When I found out about this PCOS I felt so guilty. I'm the vessel that was going to hold their grandchildren and now there is no guarantee that I will ever be able to do that. I mean, I haven't had AF on my own in over a year. Who knows if I have even ovulated in the last year. I can't get Oscar's family's hopes up that a baby is going to be on its way for awhile.
On the other hand, when I found out that I had PCOS, I was pretty mad when I found out that there was a history of this in the family and no one ever told me. There wasn't really anything to be done about it, but it would have been nice when I had a host of symptoms to know to be worried.
I have thought about if I was ready to tell everyone about this problem on my "daily life-family" blog or not and I think that I am going to chicken out and not do it. I'm scared of my mother leaving a hostile comment. I'm scared of relatives and old friends leaving sad pity filled comments. I'm scared of letting something out there that I wish wasn't true because then I might realize how serious this could be. I'm scared for people feeling sorry for me or being insensitive about it.
I think what I am going to do, is talk to my cousin with PCOS and tell her. I don't want her to feel like she is alone in this. I'm brave enough to do that.
I am a PCOS sufferer, and I refuse to tell anyone we are TTC. I got a lot of great support on my blog from fellow bloggers when I posted about being in the closet and why. I hope you get the same. Good for you for talking with your cousin. Hopefully you can support each other.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very personal decision to come out of the IF closet, at some point you may be ready but if not that is ok. I believe it is important to have support IRL, but a blog is an amazing way to connect with the many of us who share your burden.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what happens, you need to know this is not your fault.
Thank you so much for your comments! It is a super comfort to have people who can support me in the blogging community. I'm happy every day that I chose to start a blog as a goal for 2010. It is amazing where life takes you and this has been great.
ReplyDelete