I Thought By Now...

When I first got diagnosed with PCOS most of my friends with babies said the same thing.

"It took us 2 months to get pregnant."

"Your aunt took 4 months getting pregnant with her first."

"My sister and brother-in-law waited 2 months."

"It took us almost 4 months to get pregnant. Just give it time."

"God knows best! It took us nearly 3 months."

The longest time that I was told was 6 months. My mother said that it took her 6 months to get pregnant with my last sibling. 6 months. That seemed like such a long time. I thought of all of the stuff that would be happening in those 6 months of waiting. I thought about 6 months+ 9months and figured out when I could be a mom.

It's been six months since I found out that I had PCOS. That I don't ovulate. In the last 2 years I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen AF. All I need is one finger to tell you how many times I have done that on my own.

Here is hoping that the next 6 months go by quicker so I can start working on getting pregnant with some help.

Some Pictures For You

I've been going through my pictures and taking new ones trying to build a portfolio for myself. I'm thinking that eventually I might want to turn this into a career. At the very least, it is something that I want to keep working on.

These pictures are from January.
These are some of the children that I teach on Sunday. They are 4 and adorable.

Medication- Glucomage

My whole life I have avoided medication like the plague. Even for a headache, I would never take anything. I would put a cool wash cloth on my head and take a nap.

I wanted my body to heal itself. I never wanted to become addicted or immune to any medication because I was scared that someday when I really needed some drugs to help me, I wouldn't be able to use them.

Now I am on Glucomage and I hate it. It has been 82 days since my last cycle and I feel sicker than ever. I don't think it is doing anything at all for me but making me ill. The side effects are awful and I don't think that there has been any change in me what so ever.

I'm so frustrated that I have another 6 months before I can be declared infertile and start on something that could really make me ovulate.

I wish that I could be one of those women with infertility who are trying this naturally. I am starting to think about it really seriously. I don't want to be sick the whole time that I am waiting to get pregnant. I want to be strong and fun and fearless. I want to be me again.

Should I really stay on medication that makes me feel this way? I don't want to be on bed rest before I am even pregnant. These should be some of the best years of my life. I don't want to spend them on the toilet.

Infertility DTR

I know for all of you infertiles out there the last thing you want to see are more acronyms but I have one more for you.

DTR stands for Determine the Relationship. I'm sure most of you have had DTRs with many people in your lives. It is the conversation that goes something like this. "What are we? Are we boyfriend/girlfriend? Are we just make out buddies? sex buddies?" Or "Where is this going? Are we talking marriage? Living together?" It was good before getting married to have these conversations to make sure that both partners are on the same page with things.

Now the Oscar and I are trying to start a family, we have been having what I like to call Infertility DTRs. We have to figure out if we are both on the same page in regards to our family and the relationship we have with our treatment options.

Last night we had a long conversation about adoption. It seems a little early to me since we have only been trying for 6 months and we have only been married for a year and 2 months. I was lucky to find out early about the PCOS when I was only 21.

It was so great talking with my husband late into the night about our feelings about adoption. I was surprised how different our views were about this topic. He is all about a closed adoption. I am all for an open adoption. He thinks children don't need to be told they are adopted until they are old enough to understand what adoption means. I believe that if a child always knows that they are adopted than they won't have to worry about a whole paradigm shift.

I also never knew how important have a child that is "ours" is to Oscar. I don't care where the child comes from as long as we can make it part of our family and give it a good life.

The last DTR like this was right after I found out about the PCOS in February. We should probably have them more often than six months but it was good to talk about all the stuff we have been thinking about. I'm so glad that I am on this journey with such a sweet wonderful man.

Even though right now we aren't on the same page with adoption, it is okay. We don't need to worry about that just yet. I'm sure the more we talk about it, the closer we will get mind set wise. Right now one thing is still clear, we both want to try and have a baby and help our family grow.

Post New York City Trip

Thank you so much to all the well wishers! The trip was amazing.

I got to talk with one of my friends about my PCOS which was really great. She asked if it was okay to talk about her son with me (Of course it is! I was there when the little guy was born!) but I did tell her that as long as she never says, "Just relax and it will happen." I would never be upset with her.

She was at a Blogher conference at New York City (Oscar and I went to split the cost of a room with her). I told her about the infertility blogging community and how wonderful it is. The next day she ran into someone with IF problems too. The world is so small when you are looking for people with IF. It is sad but comforting to know that we can have so much support from other people who have gone through all of this.

Okay, so onto New York City. You probably don't want to hear every single detail so I will just give you some pictures.

Time Square!! It is crazy that it can be the middle of the night and everything is almost as clear as day. A friend and I headed up to the top of Rockefeller Center on Thursday to get a good view of the city. It was amazing.
Friday was an awesome day since I finally got my baby back and into New York City. Central Park was awesome with him. We even got to see Phantom of the Opera that night. It was great to see so many shows while we were there.
Saturday was awesome too.
We had an awesome last night there all together. Dinner in an amazing restaurant and great company. Another night in Time Square. Sexy poses with my dear friend. And Sunday we had tours in NBS Studio.
It was great to get away for awhile. I loved taking my mind off of things and having fun with the man I love. I am so happy with my life and I'm so glad that I was able to embrace every single day of this trip.

Hopefully I will be able to start doing that for every day of my life too. Because, you know what? I deserve it!

Pre-New York City Trip

I have really mixed feelings right now about my trip to New York City tomorrow.

I am going to miss:

• Miss Wheelchair Utah Picnic ( I have a friend who founded Miss Wheelchair Utah and they have a picnic every year before they send off Miss Wheelchair Utah herself to the America Pagent)
• The 4 year olds I teach on Sunday
• The rest of my family's trip to Utah (They are going back to Texas on Saturday)
• My amazing fur babies

Things I am looking forward too:

• I don't have to worry about my fur babies messing up the house or training them
• I get to see my close friend who moved to Florida a year ago
• I get to see New York for the 1st time
• I will be back in a big city again
• My husband and I will get to put more stuff in our Adventure Book (Yes...I so got the idea from UP!)

The thing that is causing me the most sadness right now though is that all through March, April, and May I thought, "By the time August rolls around, I am sure to be pregnant." I thought that even after I was diagnosed with PCOS that it was possible for a baby to happen for us in just 3 months. Back in March and April and May and even June, I thought, "There is so much time until August. It is so far away and I'm bound to be pregnant by then, no problem."

August is here though. I couldn't stop it. But you know what?

This is going to be the best trip ever!

Question Out There For the Ladies

I was just wondering, have you ever known of anyone who a pregnancy test hasn't worked for? Like, when I got a negative before I knew about the PCOS but I hadn't had my period in months my mom would tell me that they never worked for her. She said that she was 12 weeks pregnant before they would say she was pregnant.

It is driving me crazy because I will POAS and get a BFN but I have this voice in the back of my head that says, "It might not be working for you!! You might be the 1% exception and you really are pregnant!"

And what about phantom pregnancy symptoms? I have been feeling super nauseous in the mornings and after eating and at night for the past couple weeks. I was really hoping for morning sickness.

But no...POAS tonight and it is a BFN. It has been 60 days since my last cycle and I'm starting to think that I should take some Provera and start over with my Glucophage. I stopped taking it about 2 or 3 weeks ago because I was waking up every morning with diarrhea and cramps all day long. Sorry for the TMI but it was super awful. My OB/GYN warned me that it has some nasty side effects and she was right!