DTR stands for Determine the Relationship. I'm sure most of you have had DTRs with many people in your lives. It is the conversation that goes something like this. "What are we? Are we boyfriend/girlfriend? Are we just make out buddies? sex buddies?" Or "Where is this going? Are we talking marriage? Living together?" It was good before getting married to have these conversations to make sure that both partners are on the same page with things.
Now the Oscar and I are trying to start a family, we have been having what I like to call Infertility DTRs. We have to figure out if we are both on the same page in regards to our family and the relationship we have with our treatment options.
Last night we had a long conversation about adoption. It seems a little early to me since we have only been trying for 6 months and we have only been married for a year and 2 months. I was lucky to find out early about the PCOS when I was only 21.
It was so great talking with my husband late into the night about our feelings about adoption. I was surprised how different our views were about this topic. He is all about a closed adoption. I am all for an open adoption. He thinks children don't need to be told they are adopted until they are old enough to understand what adoption means. I believe that if a child always knows that they are adopted than they won't have to worry about a whole paradigm shift.
I also never knew how important have a child that is "ours" is to Oscar. I don't care where the child comes from as long as we can make it part of our family and give it a good life.
The last DTR like this was right after I found out about the PCOS in February. We should probably have them more often than six months but it was good to talk about all the stuff we have been thinking about. I'm so glad that I am on this journey with such a sweet wonderful man.
Even though right now we aren't on the same page with adoption, it is okay. We don't need to worry about that just yet. I'm sure the more we talk about it, the closer we will get mind set wise. Right now one thing is still clear, we both want to try and have a baby and help our family grow.
You're right...just being able to talk about it with your hubby is a good thing...at least if there are differences in opinions, you know already about them and you know about the differences clearly...and you're also right that people may change their minds in terms of adoption. :-)))
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