Tuned Out

I've been thinking lately about how obsessed with technology the world is these days. I haven't given in to getting a smart phone yet but I know that the day will come.

I've been trying to figure out if I need to cut back on my computer time and I am still undecided.

Yesterday at the dog park I saw something that worried me.

I don't know this man. He could have been doing something super important that was life or death on his phone. But to me, it was just sad. He had a giant black lab that really wanted to play and he had a child strapped onto his back. He was missing out on so much.

This second picture was 10 minutes later. He is still tuned out.
Does he know that his child gets older every day? Does he know that these moments are gone forever?

My dad realized on my sister's 9 birthday that he had missed most of her life being at work. He worked tons of over time and sometimes we wouldn't see him for weeks. We would go to bed before he got home and wake up after he left the next day.

I don't want to be that person. I don't want my husband to be that person.

I love my Dad. He is an amazing man and he did so much for his family. I would have liked to see him more growing up though.

I'm glad I married this guy. He's amazing in so many ways. The most important way is that he is tuned in.

Gratitude is the Best Attitude!

Instead of telling you all about how crumby I have felt the last couple days about ruining my memory card for my camera and losing a whole bunch of awesome photos, I thought it would be better to talk about gratitude.

Flashback to Christmas morning:

When I opened this

I was not grateful at all. I acted happy to receive it but inside I thought it was the dumbest present for me. What was I going to do with an 4GB memory card when I had a great 8GB one already. I didn't take that many photos at one time that I would need it. But what can you expect from brothers, right?

I stashed it away in the back of a drawer and forgot about it.

Flash forward to today:

I was super upset that I messed up my memory card and didn't have a replacement! I needed to be able to take photos but all I had was my old point and shoot...and after using a SLR for months I didn't like the idea. I like to be in control of manual. And then I remembered.

Needless to say I was over joyed to have that memory card in my time of need. But I thought, if I had only remembered what it felt like to have nothing I never would not have been so ungrateful at the time. I would have been able to receive that gift with the right attitude.

An attitude of gratitude.

I need to remember that most of the world doesn't even have an 8th of all the blessings I have.

Everything is a gift. Every second. Every breathe. Every Thing.

I'll have to keep working on that.

My First "Aunt Jane"

I should say, "Uncle John" because it was in fact a man. But even so, I think we all have encountered our own "Aunt Janes".

Anyway, onto the story. I was talking to one of my ex-boyfriends (We had a good break up so we never really stopped being friends.) on Skype and he has been have some issues lately that he wanted to talk about.

When he was done talking he asked me how my life was going. I told him it was alright. He asked me if I was pregnant yet.

It isn't common knowledge that we are trying, he just always asks.

I told him that I wasn't and briefly mentioned that I had PCOS. He asked some questions and I answered. I told him that it might be hard for me to conceive but I'm hopeful.

Super obnoxiously he said, "This is what I think you should do. Lose some weight. Like 15 pounds. Don't worry that your doctor told you to keep some weight on. Just get really really healthy and if will fix it. I know about stuff like this. I'm on the internet all the time."

Gee...thanks. Don't know if I will be talking to him about this anymore. Even though he is "an expert".

Phoebe's Photography

I realized today that I talked about my love of taking pictures but I haven't really shown you any of my pictures. I'm not saying I'm amazing...I'm just saying that I love doing it. These are all pictures of my trip to Louisiana over the Christmas holiday.



For some reason I was finding the old gates quite beautiful and so I took loads of pictures of different ones.

Torturing Myself

I love children's books. I think that the best way to teach children to have a love of learning and of reading is to read to them at a young age. My mother would always read my siblings and I bedtime stories. We had our favorite books that we loved to hear. It was a very special time before bed for us. I loved it.

I have always wanted to do the same things with my children. I began my collecting along time ago. When I traveled to other countries I would buy books that I could only get there. I have a book of Russian fairy tales bought in Russia. I also have a book about a tuk-tuk (a three wheeled motorized vehicle found in Asia and used as a cheap taxi) from when I lived in Thailand.

Lately though this habit has been a bit torturing. I just buy books when I find a good one at the Deseret Industries (DI) so that I'm not spending a load of money on something I might not use for awhile. At the same time, it is hard to look at a pile of books in the room that will someday be our nursery. Sometimes I go in there and read some of the books out loud.

Do I sound crazy yet?

I just love the stories of Winnie the Pooh and the new addition to my collection, Harold and the Purple Crayon. Someday I know that I will get the chance to share them with a child. It is just a matter of when.

Introduction to My Fur Baby

My husband sometimes doesn't like it when I grab my dog and make him cuddle with me or put sweaters on him. (I'm not a crazy person but it is so cold where we live now! It would be mean to not put a sweater on him.)

I can't help myself. He is the only "baby" I could have for awhile and so I was really happy when I saw the phrase "fur baby" flying around.

I always wanted a dog growing up and so when my husband and I bought a house I had to have a dog. We bought Pippen at a shelter and it has been love ever since.

I liked to think that he was going to help me learn to be a better mother. I think he has gotten me ready for more gross things to come. I have picked up poop everyday since. I have wiped up dog snot. I have cleaned up digging through the trash messes. I have cleaned up vomit and wiped up little "accidents".

I've also taught him tricks. I've taken him to dog parks to play with other dogs. I've gone on walks with him. I've taken him to farmer's markets to fun in dog races. I've cuddled on the couch with him and read books.

He is an amazing mutt and I love him. At least I know my world will never be short of fur babies.

Trying To Conceive(TTC)

After my tests came back negative for anything worse than PCOS, my husband and I talked about what we wanted to do.

Him agreeing to try and have a baby was very important to me. I took a class a couple years ago in college and learned that when a baby was born the marital satisfaction always decreases but it decreases the least when both partners agree that it is time to have a baby. Hence, I wanted to make sure it was something that we both wanted.

The doctor told us to try for 3 months and if nothing happens by the end of May we should come back and see what Clomin could do for us.

It feels like such a big step but at the same time, it isn't really anything that you tell people about.

Right now I think the scariest part for me is getting my hopes up. I want to think positively but on the other hand I don't want to get attached to the idea of having a baby in the near future.

I guess everyone experiences some kind of nerves before they embark on this journey. It must be a right of passage.

For better or for worse, we are trying to conceive! Mark it down! March 2010!

A Good Turn Daily

Lately I have been telling other people that to help get them to take their minds off of their problems, they should focus on helping others.

I thought that I would trying giving it a go also.

Today I got my chance. I was in the grocery store with my husband and we were standing in line. This older woman came up behind us with two grocery carts full of stuff. She was trying to get it all on the cart and having a hard time and so I jumped in and gave her a hand.

She was so grateful for the help and it made me feel so good to be doing something for a total stranger.

I think sometimes I'm so afraid to connect in society with someone I don't know because of the potential risk. We as a whole are starting to be so disconnected with people but when it comes down to it, we are all basically the same. We are humans who sometimes need other humans to give up a hand or make contact. We don't have to move through the world alone.

Today was a good day.

Pay it forward.

Being Beautiful

I'm just going to say it, I was pretty good looking in high school. At least what I lacked in attractiveness I made up for in confidence.I was friends with the super creative types and I was an actor. I loved being in front of people; being the center of attention. I hardly ever wore make up because I didn't need it.

Then I went to college and stuff started to change.

I got acne. I got it bad.

I started growing hair in weird places. I had to start plucking my chin hairs all the time to keep them at bay. I was getting side burns and a "happy trial".

I started to just feel disgusting. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I dreaded going to class because I knew people could see me. I lost all confidence in myself.

I tried everything for my skin. And I mean EVERYTHING. I went to the doctor to get some pills to see if that would fix it. Nothing. People would come up and tell me ways to fix it. When a Proactive commercial would come on tv my room mates would say,"You should try that" like I wouldn't have thought of that on my own.

I changed my diet. I put everything on my face that I could think of. Finally I worked out a routine that seemed to help at least a little. But still...I had a bunch of "scars" from it on my face. Old red marks that seemed to be part of the skin now. I hated what I saw in the mirror.

When I was looking online trying to figure out what was wrong with me (period wise) I found a list of symptoms. There it was:

• Late adult acne
• Excessive facial and body hair
• Irregular periods.

Everything I hated about myself all one thing.

Last night as I was looking for stuff about trying to conceive naturally with PCOS I found an article that said, These [acne and excessive hair growth] can cause physical and psychological scars.

I just couldn't help feeling how true that was. I want to stop hating my face. I want to feel beautiful again. I am done hating myself.
This is me. This is what I look like. And I need to love it.

Sewing Project #2 Purse

Remember what I started the blog for? Yeah...my New Year's Goals. The main one being to learn to sew.

It has been so long since I sat down and did some sewing. My machine has been broken and life has been happening.

Well, I finally got down to some sewing.

In the bargain basket at Joann's I found some black silk that I loved and I wanted to make it into a purse. It was so smooth and I knew that I didn't want the inside to be that smooth.

I also found some pink polka dots that looked perfect for the job!

I am super proud of the way that it turned out. I'm a huge fan of the polka dots on the inside! There are a few things that I think I would do differently if I made another purse but I am going to use it all of the time! It was also good to get my mind off of things for awhile.

Waiting for Tests

Last week I went in for some tests to try and figure out if I have PCOS or something worse. I haven't told most of the people in my family what has been going on till I know for sure what it is.
At a family function one of my family members noticed this and asked what happened to my arm. I am a horrible liar and so I said, "Oh, I had to go to the doctor for some tests."

Apparently when you are a young married person, "going to the doctor" means that I am pregnant. I'm trying to think of something worse than waiting for test results to find out if I will be able to have children while family members keep teasing me about keeping a pregnancy a secret.

Since I was at a "happy occasion" family event I didn't really want to be Debbie Downer so I kept my mouth shut.

To tell or not to tell? That is my questions.

P.S. My doctor still hasn't gotten back to me with the results so I am going to assume that no news is good news.

I've Still Got It

Instead of talking about how miserable I have felt all day (killer 7 months worth of cramps, a forced fast by my doctors for more tests, and waking up earlier than is sane to get it out of the way), I am going to talk about how much fun I had last night at a church function.

I have been trying to make friends in our ward for the last 8 months of living in Ogden. As of yesterday morning I had one.

We were having a dinner to celebrate the Relief Society birthday. I signed up to bring cupcakes.

Flash back:

About 4 years ago I took a Wilton cake decorating course. After that I can't frost anything without throwing in at least a little bit of effort. I don't bake loads and so I don't decorate that much either.

Flash forward:

I didn't have ANY tips or bags so I ran to the store to get a basic set.

Let me tell you, the extra money for real stuff is WORTH IT! This stuff was so hard to use but I was still pretty proud of myself.

Making a cupcake look decorated looks so much harder than it really is and people always think that you worked forever on them. It is great.

Enough about me.

The Relief Society party was really fun. I don't know if I made any new friends but I did have fun dressing up with the other ladies. We all had to put on different hats.

I loved this lady! She was so cute in her gloves. At one point she said, "You can't pick up anything with gloves. These are worthless." I love it when older women are super sassy.

It was really fun to take my mind off of all the stuff that has been coming at me the last couple of weeks.

Go out and do something fun!