Being Beautiful

I'm just going to say it, I was pretty good looking in high school. At least what I lacked in attractiveness I made up for in confidence.I was friends with the super creative types and I was an actor. I loved being in front of people; being the center of attention. I hardly ever wore make up because I didn't need it.

Then I went to college and stuff started to change.

I got acne. I got it bad.

I started growing hair in weird places. I had to start plucking my chin hairs all the time to keep them at bay. I was getting side burns and a "happy trial".

I started to just feel disgusting. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I dreaded going to class because I knew people could see me. I lost all confidence in myself.

I tried everything for my skin. And I mean EVERYTHING. I went to the doctor to get some pills to see if that would fix it. Nothing. People would come up and tell me ways to fix it. When a Proactive commercial would come on tv my room mates would say,"You should try that" like I wouldn't have thought of that on my own.

I changed my diet. I put everything on my face that I could think of. Finally I worked out a routine that seemed to help at least a little. But still...I had a bunch of "scars" from it on my face. Old red marks that seemed to be part of the skin now. I hated what I saw in the mirror.

When I was looking online trying to figure out what was wrong with me (period wise) I found a list of symptoms. There it was:

• Late adult acne
• Excessive facial and body hair
• Irregular periods.

Everything I hated about myself all one thing.

Last night as I was looking for stuff about trying to conceive naturally with PCOS I found an article that said, These [acne and excessive hair growth] can cause physical and psychological scars.

I just couldn't help feeling how true that was. I want to stop hating my face. I want to feel beautiful again. I am done hating myself.
This is me. This is what I look like. And I need to love it.