Looking For Signs

I know that I am not the only one out there who looks for signs from God that they are pregnant. But has anyone else found signs about adoption?

I've had two experiences so far that have made me feel like this is the right thing to do. I don't dare say that they are signs that I am going to get this baby girl but I want to believe that they are. (*shhhh...* knock on wood for me!)

I keep telling myself that this is the right course to go down even if we don't end up with this child. I am a person who believes that all things shall work together for my good. Whether it be to further my knowledge of the adoption process, strengthen my marriage with Oscar or place a child in my care. At night I try not to pray for this baby but that the spirits who need to be in this home to gain the most and grow the most from Oscar and I will find their way here.

Onto the two signs.

Friday night I was up thinking about if I would even know what to do if I had a new born baby. I started to freak out that I would be the worst parent ever. I thought, "Wow, I can't believe that I bought that 'What to Expect When Your Expecting' book so long ago and it is useless. I should go to the DI (Deseret Industries, the place where I got the first one for a $1) tomorrow and see if they have 'What to Expect the First Year'."

My husband and I went to the DI the next day. I didn't tell him why we were going but it is a fun place to look around and I had stuff that I needed to donate anyway. I wandered back into the book section of the store and the first book that I saw was "What to Expect the First Year". It was sitting there waiting for me to come and claim it. The only copy...just for me.

The second "sign" was Tuesday. Oscar and I were on a walk. We were talking about different things. The topic of buying baby things came up. Oscar is very against the idea of getting anything because he feels like it will make everything worse if this doesn't work out. I agree with him. But I am getting excited people! I want so badly to be excited for this! I told him, "I'll only buy stuff that we would have to get anyway for a baby. Because someday we are going to be parents right? And it could be in October." He said a strong no. (And I knew he was right. He is so right. I shouldn't be getting ahead of myself.)

At that moment, I looked on the ground and saw this.

A little hair clip perfect for a little girl. I scooped it up and put it in my pocket. My talisman.

I don't want to get to excited because I could be setting myself up for a world of hurt. But I want to believe. Faith precedes the miracle. Noah didn't build his boat until he say rain. Moses left Egypt before they knew where they were headed. And I want to believe I will get this little girl.

But having faith in this is one of the scariest things I have ever done.