Right now, I am doing a fun "experiment" and trying to take all of my friend's and my friend's mother's advice and "Just Relax".

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Bad Night

Sometimes I am really okay with everything. I tell myself that it is okay that we are having a rough time getting pregnant. I tell myself that it is still early days and there is no reason to start to really worry.

Some days I am fine with looking at pictures of my friends with babies. I am truly happy for all my friends and their children. I'm excited for people who are months away from their little miracles. On those good days, I really am all of those things.

Not tonight.

Tonight I am mostly heart broken. I don't want to be filled with self pity but today I am and if you will all just bare with me or skip this post it is fine.

*sigh* Maybe it is the baby shower invite that came in the mail today. Maybe it is the fact that is girl from high school announced that she is getting a divorce...and is pregnant with a baby she really didn't want. Maybe it is the post a friend wrote about how great it feels to finally be a dad and his pictures make me wish that I could do that for my husband. Or maybe it was the woman in obedience class who came with her 8 children (One of them a 3 month old that I wanted to snatch).

Nights like these I really can't help but feel like I'm broken.

Sometimes I wish it was as easy as not "wanting it so much". Because on my good days, I would totally get knocked up. But not today.
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4 comments:

  1. AmelJuly 28, 2010 at 11:06 AM

    HUGE HUGE HUGEEEEEEEEEE HUGS to you...this IF roller-coaster is maddening, but I can say it gets better over time...at least for me. :-)

    I think the reason maybe the combination of all the things you mentioned - plus sometimes it doesn't help when you're having PMS on top of all that...anyhow, wish you better dayssss...

    Baby dust to you...

    ReplyDelete
  2. AugustaJuly 28, 2010 at 11:14 AM

    I'm not sure how any woman plagued with IF would have felt good after the day you had. All those reminders of what you want and don't have!! I'm so sorry you had to face that yesterday. I hope you can be gentle with yourself at those times.
    Hugs to you.

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  3. tishiJuly 28, 2010 at 9:21 PM

    All of those things put together (the showers, the bragging, ext) would have made any one of us loose our cool. This is hard stuff, and a hard road, but luckily you have us to vent too :) I am happy to have found your blog, I will keep following till you get that BFP!

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  4. JanaAugust 2, 2010 at 9:08 PM

    I agree with the commenters above. Just one of those announcements or interactions would've been tough to handle. Pack it all in within a short period of time for us dealing with IF, and we might as well bring out the kleenex box.

    You are not alone. Hang in there

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