Yeah...I do that every Sunday. When I'm teaching these children at church I do it all the time. Somethings are simpler, like, "Why didn't she brush her daughters hair?" But somethings are bigger issues, like, "Wow, I would never home school for this reason."
While I think about this, I also think, "Maybe God is waiting to give me children when I'm more humble."
A couple months after finding out that I had PCOS I started doing this horrible thing...want to hear it? (I'm so glad that only one person I know in RL knows me.) I mean, this is REALLY prideful.
When I see people with kids, I look at the adults with them and decided whether or not I think they "deserve" kids.
Like if the man is wearing a wife beater and looking scuzzy...I think, "Wow...he gets to be a parent."
Or if some woman is walking through a mall with her kid in a stroller and she is talking on the phone, I think, "That poor child is neglected but that awful woman."
Some of them are positive. I see some people and I think, "I want to be exactly like her."
HOW SUPER JUDGMENTAL IS THAT?!?!?!?
Today was one of those days where I thought, "There is a ton of stuff you need to work on before you become a mom." I mean...come on. It is NOT my job to decide who gets what kids and when.
I have news for you... you're not the only one that does that. Even I have a hard time not being judgmental of other moms. I've gone so far as to imagine that I should have the right to decide who can and can't have kids. But that would be Satan's plan...
ReplyDeleteBut it does make me really frustrated when I see moms smoking around their kids... or worse, around my kid! Who goes to a park and smokes around a bunch of kids?!
And sometimes even with other moms in my ward I have to work really hard to bite my tongue. Recently another mom was talking about how she's not going to immunize any of her kids because, oh my gosh, didn't you know that immunizations cause autism!! That's a personal pet peeve of mine... but that's a rant for another time.
Being a mom has made me less judgmental of the little things - like whether or not a kid's hair is brushed. And I ALWAYS used to judge moms who put their kids on leashes but now it's starting to make sense to me. I mean, if your kid is prone to running away and getting lost... it's a good solution.
But lots of the "bigger" issues really really get to me. Like, I was in TJ Maxx the other day and these two moms were there with their hellian children who were wreaking havoc on the store. The moms had the FILTHIEST mouths I've ever heard. I could not believe the language they were using in front of their children.
Living in Florida, I see A LOT of moms who shouldn't be moms. They don't actually parent their kids, at all. They don't TEACH them anything. They yell at them and spank them and make them cry. It's really unfortunate and it still bothers me.
I don't think that anyone who is faced with the injustice of infertility could bypass those thoughts, Phoebe. Most of us have in some form or another been lead to believe in a just world. I think the world is a lot of things, but I don't think it's one where there is often justice. So, yes, people who don't have the faintest clue get to be parents, and you and I and our good women friends in these blogs sit here childless.
ReplyDeleteOne thing your posting made me think about is that all of these observations of other parents can help us prepare to become the best moms we can be. Think about it. In your case, you already have such great ideas about what works and what doesn't work with kids. By the time you get to be a mom, you'll be very clear on how you want to parent a child. And that my friend, is good news for this new life that is going to rely on you for its existence.
Phoebe, I've been there, done that. Ever since we stopped "trying", though, the thoughts have disappeared.
ReplyDeleteIt's a long road, though...I think after going through IF rollercoaster, I realize more than ever that everybody's a sinner and that our first reaction/thought are often sinful...but thru that I've also learnt all the more how AMAZING it is that God even let Jesus die for our sins...after knowing how dirty we all are, He still loves us no matter what...
This is just a phase of life...I think through all this, God wants to open my eyes to understand even more deeply and widely how much He loves me DESPITE myself and how much I need His help to get through IF rollercoaster, even when I feel like He's "silent".