My Church Children

In my church, people are "called" to do different jobs and serve in different capacities. To give of our time and our talents.

It is a pretty great system actually and keeps the church functioning.

Almost a year ago, we were asked to teachers for the Sunday school class for 4 year olds. It is a pretty easy gig. For 40 minutes we teach them about Jesus and have them color pictures and have them talk about their weeks. Then another 40 minutes keeping them quiet while they learn different religious songs and more about Jesus.

When my husband and I got this calling, the leader calling us to this position said, "We hope that while you have this calling you will gain more experience together with children and start to grow your own family."

Well, at the time, I didn't know that I had PCOS but I still thought, "Wow...that is totally none of your business."

Sometimes while teaching these children, I get really desperately sad. I love them. I really really love them. Each and every one of them. But...it is just hard, because right before we go into the big meeting for everyone, I have to help them find their families until it is only Oscar and I left.

The Sunday after Oscar and I found out that we wouldn't be expanding our family quite yet through adoption, I ditched out. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want them telling me about their lives or hugging me or wanting to sit on my lap.

I wanted to take them home and keep them forever.

They drew me a picture. It is covered in hearts. Really poorly draw hearts that look more like real heart than I'm sure was intended.

I wish that it wasn't so easy to love children. And I wish that it wasn't so hard to get one for myself.