All the Baby Bloggers

I've noticed that lately there have been more and more IF bloggers who have found themselves with a BFPositive!!! When I first started looking for blogs to follow I avoided IF bloggers who were pregnant like the plague. I didn't want to read about anybodies happy news. I was angry and sad and hurt. I only wanted to read blogs about people in my position.

I'm happy to say that I have grown a little. Now I don't see their pregnancies as something to feel anything but joy and hope for. I have heard their stories of struggles. I have walked in their shoes (only a short way) and know how badly they want this.

Now when they announce that they are "in the family way", I feel so happy that this could finally happen for them. I want to follow their pregnancy and send them happy thoughts and good vibes.

I hope that some day I can have bloggers like you cheering me on when I finally get knocked up.

BFNegative-Month 3

It is technically been 4 months now since we started trying to get pregnant.

The OB/GYN said that I can't get on Clomid until we have been trying to at least a year to get pregnant. I guess I should be patient and realize that people have been trying 2,3,4,5 years to get pregnant and 4 months is nothing.

Sometimes I just get so negative. I haven't had a period on my own for about 2 years and I've never had a regular cycle. I feel like waiting for that year mark is hopeless because I might not ovulate for 7 months.

I'm on some new medication though, Glucophage. Hopefully this will normalize my ovulation. But it could be months before I see results...and I am so impatient with this whole thing.

Lately, I have been trying to have fun with my husband and friends. I don't have to be miserable waiting and I think that that is the key to getting through this.

All of the Above

When I was at the OB/GYN's last week she took the time to update my file since my previous doctor didn't leave that many notes on me.

She asked some questions about how long AF has been coming erratically and how long my husband and I have been trying to conceive. I found this conversation particularly enjoyable.

Doctor: Do you have any coarse black hair on you face, nipples, or abdomen?

Phoebe: Yes,

Doctor: Which ones?

Phoebe: Ummm...all of the above?

It is for sure one of my least favorite side effects of the extra testosterone in my system. At least I have a great man who loves me right?

Father's Day, Not For YOU!!

My husband right now is on a business trip. I haven't called him Oscar in awhile but I guess I can start doing that again too.

This would have been fine with me IF 1) They had let us know more than two days in advance that he was definitely going. 2) Our anniversary wasn't at the end of this week 3) They didn't have him leave on Father's Day

We are pretty sure that he was asked to go on this trip because most of the other senior co-workers all have children. They think that Oscar can just pick up and leave whenever because he only has a wife at home.

Instead of spending Father's Day even trying to make him a father (if you catch my drift) he just had enough time to finish packing and hop into the car.

I'm glad though that he has a job that he is so good at and they trust him to be the one to travel and work with other teams on stuff. I only wish that they would think about the feelings of others when they arrange flight plans. And I guess that it will make our anniversary really sweet because I will appreciate the time that I get to spend with him.

(Picture of us at a fair that was in town for Memorial Day this year.)

A New OB/GYN

I know that I have been gone for awhile. I have actually been avoiding this blog like the plague. I was getting to involved with it and other people's blogs and all of the bad news was getting to me.

I thought to myself in my innocence, "Maybe I do need to just relax and try and it will happen." Nope.

Another month. Another negative. Another round of progesterone to get me to HAVE a period.

I got a new OB/GYN. My other one moved away and I'm glad that she did because she was awful at helping me. I got a blood test awhile ago done to make sure that it was PCOS and a week later I called in because she hasn't called me the following Monday like she said she would. I asked about the results and the person on the phone told me that the OB/GYN hadn't looked at them yet. A week later I called back again and the girl just told me that everything was normal.

This month I went back to get a yearly exam...yeah for stirrups. I was asking my doctor about PCOS and she told me that I for sure had it because my exam actually showed that I had really elevated testosterone. She also told me that for my age and weight there was no reason for my cholesterol on a fasting test to show as high as they did. She was worried that in a couple years I might already get diabetes.

THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP OLD OB/GYN!!

BFNegative-Month 2

I would have been pretty depressed about the whole negative pregnancy test but I have been getting great advice from friends lately.

The first was from my friend Clarise. I was talking about how I always get scared to take a pregnancy test because I don't want to get my hopes up to high and then feel crushed. She said something to the effect of, "I don't know what you are going through but you should just remember that even if it is a negative this month, it doesn't mean you will never be a mother. It just means that you won't be a mother 9 months from now."

She is right.

And her advice really made me feel like less of a failure when it was once again, a big fat negative.

It is only month two of trying. Fertile women can take up to 6 months sometimes to get pregnant. I shouldn't get frustrated yet.

It just seems like time is going by so slowly. Once the 2ww is over, I just sit and wait for AF to show up again(or make her) but the time between just feels like it goes on forever. This is the space of time where I know I'm not going to get pregnant so I'm just waiting for the end of AF.

I have been pretty open with some people around me about all of this. I have been surprised with how well they have handled it.

When I tell someone I usually brace myself for unwanted advice and try not to get offended too easily. I loved one man comment to me, "My sister just had a baby and it took her years of infertility drugs and medication. They have an in vitro baby now. It was all really tough on my sister and alot of work but doctors are amazing and no matter what, you will be a mom some day."

I'm so glad it wasn't a typical, "Once my sister just relaxed she got pregnant" story. That would have made me want to punch him.

Cheers for good friends and empathic people!

Hobby Obsessed

Since I don't have anything currently going on in my life, I have taken up a million hobbies. I have been working on my sewing as much as time has allowed. My photography class starts tomorrow, as do all of my summer semester classes.I have also been cooking like crazy. I wanted to work on eating healthier. I keep hearing that I should try a low glycemic diet. I decided that I should try eating more fresh fruits and vegetables.
That is what I have been doing to keep my mind off of the 2WW.