Introduction to My Fur Baby

My husband sometimes doesn't like it when I grab my dog and make him cuddle with me or put sweaters on him. (I'm not a crazy person but it is so cold where we live now! It would be mean to not put a sweater on him.)

I can't help myself. He is the only "baby" I could have for awhile and so I was really happy when I saw the phrase "fur baby" flying around.

I always wanted a dog growing up and so when my husband and I bought a house I had to have a dog. We bought Pippen at a shelter and it has been love ever since.

I liked to think that he was going to help me learn to be a better mother. I think he has gotten me ready for more gross things to come. I have picked up poop everyday since. I have wiped up dog snot. I have cleaned up digging through the trash messes. I have cleaned up vomit and wiped up little "accidents".

I've also taught him tricks. I've taken him to dog parks to play with other dogs. I've gone on walks with him. I've taken him to farmer's markets to fun in dog races. I've cuddled on the couch with him and read books.

He is an amazing mutt and I love him. At least I know my world will never be short of fur babies.

Trying To Conceive(TTC)

After my tests came back negative for anything worse than PCOS, my husband and I talked about what we wanted to do.

Him agreeing to try and have a baby was very important to me. I took a class a couple years ago in college and learned that when a baby was born the marital satisfaction always decreases but it decreases the least when both partners agree that it is time to have a baby. Hence, I wanted to make sure it was something that we both wanted.

The doctor told us to try for 3 months and if nothing happens by the end of May we should come back and see what Clomin could do for us.

It feels like such a big step but at the same time, it isn't really anything that you tell people about.

Right now I think the scariest part for me is getting my hopes up. I want to think positively but on the other hand I don't want to get attached to the idea of having a baby in the near future.

I guess everyone experiences some kind of nerves before they embark on this journey. It must be a right of passage.

For better or for worse, we are trying to conceive! Mark it down! March 2010!

A Good Turn Daily

Lately I have been telling other people that to help get them to take their minds off of their problems, they should focus on helping others.

I thought that I would trying giving it a go also.

Today I got my chance. I was in the grocery store with my husband and we were standing in line. This older woman came up behind us with two grocery carts full of stuff. She was trying to get it all on the cart and having a hard time and so I jumped in and gave her a hand.

She was so grateful for the help and it made me feel so good to be doing something for a total stranger.

I think sometimes I'm so afraid to connect in society with someone I don't know because of the potential risk. We as a whole are starting to be so disconnected with people but when it comes down to it, we are all basically the same. We are humans who sometimes need other humans to give up a hand or make contact. We don't have to move through the world alone.

Today was a good day.

Pay it forward.

Being Beautiful

I'm just going to say it, I was pretty good looking in high school. At least what I lacked in attractiveness I made up for in confidence.I was friends with the super creative types and I was an actor. I loved being in front of people; being the center of attention. I hardly ever wore make up because I didn't need it.

Then I went to college and stuff started to change.

I got acne. I got it bad.

I started growing hair in weird places. I had to start plucking my chin hairs all the time to keep them at bay. I was getting side burns and a "happy trial".

I started to just feel disgusting. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I dreaded going to class because I knew people could see me. I lost all confidence in myself.

I tried everything for my skin. And I mean EVERYTHING. I went to the doctor to get some pills to see if that would fix it. Nothing. People would come up and tell me ways to fix it. When a Proactive commercial would come on tv my room mates would say,"You should try that" like I wouldn't have thought of that on my own.

I changed my diet. I put everything on my face that I could think of. Finally I worked out a routine that seemed to help at least a little. But still...I had a bunch of "scars" from it on my face. Old red marks that seemed to be part of the skin now. I hated what I saw in the mirror.

When I was looking online trying to figure out what was wrong with me (period wise) I found a list of symptoms. There it was:

• Late adult acne
• Excessive facial and body hair
• Irregular periods.

Everything I hated about myself all one thing.

Last night as I was looking for stuff about trying to conceive naturally with PCOS I found an article that said, These [acne and excessive hair growth] can cause physical and psychological scars.

I just couldn't help feeling how true that was. I want to stop hating my face. I want to feel beautiful again. I am done hating myself.
This is me. This is what I look like. And I need to love it.

Sewing Project #2 Purse

Remember what I started the blog for? Yeah...my New Year's Goals. The main one being to learn to sew.

It has been so long since I sat down and did some sewing. My machine has been broken and life has been happening.

Well, I finally got down to some sewing.

In the bargain basket at Joann's I found some black silk that I loved and I wanted to make it into a purse. It was so smooth and I knew that I didn't want the inside to be that smooth.

I also found some pink polka dots that looked perfect for the job!

I am super proud of the way that it turned out. I'm a huge fan of the polka dots on the inside! There are a few things that I think I would do differently if I made another purse but I am going to use it all of the time! It was also good to get my mind off of things for awhile.

Waiting for Tests

Last week I went in for some tests to try and figure out if I have PCOS or something worse. I haven't told most of the people in my family what has been going on till I know for sure what it is.
At a family function one of my family members noticed this and asked what happened to my arm. I am a horrible liar and so I said, "Oh, I had to go to the doctor for some tests."

Apparently when you are a young married person, "going to the doctor" means that I am pregnant. I'm trying to think of something worse than waiting for test results to find out if I will be able to have children while family members keep teasing me about keeping a pregnancy a secret.

Since I was at a "happy occasion" family event I didn't really want to be Debbie Downer so I kept my mouth shut.

To tell or not to tell? That is my questions.

P.S. My doctor still hasn't gotten back to me with the results so I am going to assume that no news is good news.

I've Still Got It

Instead of talking about how miserable I have felt all day (killer 7 months worth of cramps, a forced fast by my doctors for more tests, and waking up earlier than is sane to get it out of the way), I am going to talk about how much fun I had last night at a church function.

I have been trying to make friends in our ward for the last 8 months of living in Ogden. As of yesterday morning I had one.

We were having a dinner to celebrate the Relief Society birthday. I signed up to bring cupcakes.

Flash back:

About 4 years ago I took a Wilton cake decorating course. After that I can't frost anything without throwing in at least a little bit of effort. I don't bake loads and so I don't decorate that much either.

Flash forward:

I didn't have ANY tips or bags so I ran to the store to get a basic set.

Let me tell you, the extra money for real stuff is WORTH IT! This stuff was so hard to use but I was still pretty proud of myself.

Making a cupcake look decorated looks so much harder than it really is and people always think that you worked forever on them. It is great.

Enough about me.

The Relief Society party was really fun. I don't know if I made any new friends but I did have fun dressing up with the other ladies. We all had to put on different hats.

I loved this lady! She was so cute in her gloves. At one point she said, "You can't pick up anything with gloves. These are worthless." I love it when older women are super sassy.

It was really fun to take my mind off of all the stuff that has been coming at me the last couple of weeks.

Go out and do something fun!